Hope

I opened my eyes and saw something today
Something I hadn’t noticed before, something new
Well, maybe not new, but to me it certainly was
It made the air smell better, feel fresher
Was it just me or did the sun shine brighter as well?
My attitude most certainly did
I opened my eyes and saw something today
Today, I opened my eyes and saw hope!

He Answered My Prayers

That song that only you can play
That song that only I can hear
It was neither too loud nor too soft
A slow, gentle caress to my ears
Much like an angelic harp in the distance
An appropriate soundtrack to my uneventful life
I must confess though that I looked like an ass
Swaying to a silence that only we could decipher
Humming to a nonexistent acoustic strum
But their strange stares fazed me not
Because for once it was not about them
It was about you and me; about the song
It was about honesty, sincerity and purity
You were able to voice yourself without uttering a word
And with instinct rather than reason
I heard you loud and clear, needing no interpretation
But needing the serenity and comfort
That only our song can provide
A song that doesn’t play on the radio
Or on a broken gramophone that skips a beat
Instead it resonates in my heart
Where I control the frequency
And savour the serendipity
With a smile on my face to reflect
The grace in my soul

Stay

Only the mother
Knows the pain of the child
But does she really know mine
Every time she promises to stay?
Every time she accepts the wayward excuses?
Every time she swallows the constant abuses?
Does she understand how it hurts me
To see her all covered in bruises?


Once upon a time I did love her
And thought she was special
But that was so long ago
That was before my heart of stone
Before her selfishness manifested in me
The kind of hatred I harbour now
Before she pledged to stay for me
Without realizing how long she’d been gone.


Why does she say
That for my sake she will endure
When her soul is elsewhere
And her heart is frozen
Between us is the loudest of silences
And often we share awkward glances
That I never cease to wonder
Is she staying for me
Or am I staying for her...?

Soledad

I was not alone then
I am not alone now
I am never alone
Because when there’s no one around
My thoughts speak to me
Sometimes it’s just a soft whisper
Almost like a gently blowing breeze
Other times it’s a loud bang
A rough complaint
But at least they talk to me
Confusing me…?
Sometimes
Encouraging me…?
Maybe
Berating me…?
Of course!
They make me feel guilty at times,
Scared, belittled, like a novice
But I don’t mind
Because at least that means I have a conscience
And if my conscience disturbs me
Then it means I feel...

Broken Heartache

I wanted to tell you in person
To look deep into your eyes
And reach into your soul
To take a chance and drown
In the depth of your heart
But the sound of my voice
Was lost in the gales
So you heard not
The words that I uttered

I wanted to tell you in person
To feel the caress
Of your lips on mine
To taste the magic
Of your kiss divine
But the look on my face
Was lost in the crowd
And you saw not
The way that I felt

I wanted to tell you in person
To hear you say
That all was okay
That you too sought my love
And craved my touch
But the thoughts in my heart
Were lost in my head
And you knew not
The extent of my affection

Lost Spirituality

“Be still and know that I am Lord…”
They sang to me again and again
Until I could not get the rhythm out of my head
So stand still I did
Waiting for what? I can never tell
For how long? I can’t be too sure
All I know is that for what seemed like an eternity
I put my life on hold and depended on hope
I tried my best to be patient, to have faith
I looked upon their God for a sign
For a miracle to set me straight
And when I felt that all was futile? –
“Amazing grace how sweet the sound…”
Was thrown my way from all directions
They told me that it would take time
For me to receive the great benediction
And that it would come to me
At a time when I was desperate for it
Yet at the same time
Oblivious to my dire need for grace
So here I am, sitting in oblivion
Not sure whether it is blessings I seek
Or just peace of mind, a rest from their religion
And a long overdue reconciliatory communication
With the one I call my Father

The Image Of Self Worth

If I had paid attention to deatail
I would have noticed how tall you were, how you stood above the rest
With broad muscular shoulders to carry all the debonair
And sophisticated air with which you carry yourself around
I would have seen that swagger that made the ladies swoon
And the men drool

If I had paid attention to detail
Maybe I would have noticed those beautiful and luscious pink lips
Which I imagine could kiss the sense out of me
And I wouldn’t have missed that deep dark baritone
That floated from them with such immense ease
That beautiful sound that turned everything you said
Into Arabic poetry

If I had paid attention to detail
Probably I would have seen that cocoa bean brown face
With deep-set aquamarine eyes that bore right into the soul
The square jaw chiseled by Michael Angelo himself
I would have noticed those high cheek bones
That beckoned whoever dared to stretch ever so slightly
And caress ever so gently

If I had paid attention to detail
I would have merely seen but not understood
I would have failed to comprehend
Your ego, the size of Russia
Your self love, so much more than you deserve
And your self worth, less than the price a toilet roll
So you see, it is because I forced myself to listen to the unsaid
That I realized that the said
Was but worthless bickering

The Present of The Future

It is human nature to dwell in days gone by; to wish for the past
To want to relive those dead moments
And it’s not always because those days were much more pleasant
Or because they brought upon us good tidings
In fact, in most cases they could be some the worst moments
The time when we made bad decisions
And lived totally wrong
But we wouldn’t mind going back
If only to have something we are familiar with
To have a comfort zone
They say that familiarity breeds contempt
Yet yesterday remains the devil that we know
And tomorrow presents unchartered waters
A place we have not been before, and no one knows for certain
What it my present to us or hold for our taking
But in spite of our ignorance of what tomorrow might bring
History still suggests that e have been there before
That tomorrow has taken place in the past
That we have been there before, uttered those very words
Walked up those steps and through that hallway
Maybe in this life, maybe in the life before
But it has happened for certain
And we are but treads on a conveyor belt
We want to see tomorrow, to experience a new dawn
To know what it holds
We are just apprehensive about being a part of it
Afraid of risk and brutality of a future gone wrong
Our children’s’ present
Destroyed by our parents’ past.

Routine

I awoke with a smile on my face this morning…
No, wait, it was actually a smirk
People are always telling me that
instead of complaining about how little sleep I had
I should instead be grateful to be alive
I am, honest…
What I’m not grateful for is having to wake up so early
Don’t get me wrong, though
I’m not being lazy
I just don’t think I have to be up
way in the morning to prove a point
That over-definitive statement can be made
at pretty much any other time of day
the early bird may be the one to catch the worm
but I think I’d rather fish for catfish…
tastier and much more nutritious!
Anyway, when my reason for early morning “adventures”
happens to be a class I’d rather not attend
with a lecturer from the abyss
and annoying classmates from Lucifer himself
then no, I’m not in the least bit grateful
I’d rather have my toenails pulled out with pincers
until I’m screaming in agonized ecstasy
but since the process will be repeated
today, tomorrow and the day after for the next 365 years
I just grit my teeth, square my shoulders
suck in my stomach, turn my swag on and say
“Hey, it’s not that bad…it may be worse than I dreamed
but at least it’s better than I imagined.”

Shards of Glass

I gazed into her eyes for an eternal moment
And what gazed back at me was purely distasteful;
I saw confusion in her glassy eyes
And sensed their want for confidence
I was tempted to spit at her in disgust
To let her know my hatred for her weakness
Oh, how spiteful I was of her obvious shortcomings
But the words failed me and my brain went numb
So instead, the antique vase found its way to my hand
And unconsciously... or deliberately...?
With all my might, I hurled it at her
I didn’t bother to fight my tears as porcelain met glass,
Shattering my reflection along with the mirror
Leaving my bruised ego like the shards of glass...

Here And Now

I need to slow down,
Stop, relax and take a breather.
I need to look back,
Remember, reminisce and reflect
Because I’m not so sure of tomorrow
And if you’ll still be there
So allow me, if just for a minute
To savour the memories
And hug in my heart
The joy of days gone by.

I need to slow down,
Stop, relax and take a breather.
I need to look back,
Remember, reminisce and reflect
I close my eyes and see
A lucid picture of your face
I feel the warmth of your embrace
And the taste of your kiss lingers
As does the trace of your fingers
From the time when this love was much simpler

I need to slow down,
Stop, relax and take a breather.
I need to look back,
Remember, reminisce and reflect
Please don’t say you will
When we both know that you won’t
Don’t promise me the stars
Or pledge to move the heavens
Just stay here and hold me
And give me here and now.

These Tears That Fall For You

This is for the one who matters most to me
For the one who makes me cry
A lot more than he makes me smile
But my tears of sorrow and despair
Are most often as a result of joy
And my anger is always because
Of the relief I get from knowing you

It breaks my heart to see you hurt
Especially when the pain
Is of your own doing
A consequence of your poor judgment
A trickle down from reckless desires
Not because you know not
It is because you are perfectly sure
But would rather not care

You want to be ahead all the time
Want to make all the decisions
To take the path of your choosing
But what, I ask, is the use of that
If you are not ready to have upon your shoulder
The privileged burden that is responsibility?

My pillow is soaked with tears that fall for you
Tears that I never have to beckon
They come to me even without consent
And I try my hardest not to stop them
Because I hope and pray everyday
That my inconsolable sobs
Will remain my own sign
That I have, still do and always will
Love you.

Angel Sanctuary

The first time that I met you I wasn’t very sure what to think. For certain I knew that we were going to be good friends. I just wasn’t sure what to think beyond that. I thought I felt something flutter low in my belly but I dismissed it as a fleeting interest that would wane when the moment you ceased to be my “flavour of the week” so to speak. But that did not happen. I thought that when you walked out of my sight you would take along with you all my thoughts of something happening between us. You disappointed, well if we can call it that at all. Instead of moving on to other seemingly more important things I was left obsessing about whether you were harbouring the same thoughts that I was. Whether you were asking yourself what could be if only...or wondering how to proceed from where we had left off.

So like a teenager with a silly crush, I almost did a circus back flip when you finally called me after what seemed like an exaggerated eternity. I sighed with relief, at least I will grant you that honest confession, when you asked me out, because truth be told, the last thing that I wanted to see was a girlfriend in the background. I don’t think I would have handled such a discovery in the best of ways. Granted, I highly doubt that my ego...maybe even my dignity could have survived such a cruel attack. Nonetheless, I still had fears that this was just a passing fancy that would end once my curiosity was satisfied.

It’s been months now and my so called passing fancy seems to still be in transit, ha ha. I don’t remember ever feeling like this before in my life. I know that it sounds very cliché though we have to admit that more often than not, the truth is but a litany. I wasn’t looking for someone to complete me because I was not half baked anyway. I was looking more on the side of a complimentary. That secret condiment to a chef’s special. Someone who had what I had not and in similar fashion lacked what I had.

So you did exactly that, you came to temper my short comings. Of course at first I was mildly unhappy about you not liking what I did or not wanting to do what I did all the time. However, deep down inside I knew that you were exactly what I needed. Someone to tell me when I was jumping into things that I could not handle, someone to remind me that sometimes I need to slow down and think before rushing into something, someone to stop me from spending my money just because it was in my pocket, someone to... oh well, someone exactly like you.

So when you read this, I hope you understand why I still get tongue tied whenever you give me that killer smile.