Eye Witness Testimony

First of all, let me clarify
That I swear to speak the truth
The whole truth and nothing but the truth
So help me God
See, you may not think so
But even a girl like her had her morals
Dollars and pounds may not buy love
But she never once said love was what she sought
And she sure as hell bought her way into a lot of beds
I’d discuss it at length if the court cared
But time escapes me

See, the neighbours, they said she had daddy issues
She said she just needed to express herself
At a time when words seemed insufficient
The decrepit desire coursing through her veins
Igniting a fire that could only be extinguished
By what she believed at the time
To be feisty feministic freedom
And boy, was she feisty

Of course I remember her well
I remember her like I read it in a book
Right down to her luscious lustful lips that lulled men to sleep
Ignorant, naïve and young she may have been
So vivacious yet filled with venomous vanity
Thinly veiled as valour
She spewed hatred and anger
Hatred for herself, hatred for him, hatred for them

Why for them? Isn’t it obvious and clear?
See the world just sat there
Watched her broken and defeated
Though no one wrapped their fingers round her throat
Or stuck a knife in her gut
They just stood there spectating and speculating
Suspicious whispers floating in the air
Always talking behind her back
Never walking up to her face

Now, they would’ve said something
They should’ve said something
But they feared that if they stood up to her
They’d be looking in the mirror
They were terrified by the thought
Of what would be staring back at them
And in their selfish pride a part of her died
Subdued by the reluctance to abide

Then again, truth be told at the time she seemed cool
Of fancy rainbow colours and designer colognes
Might I even say a small part of me looked up to her
And maybe in a way I still do
But hush; let’s just keep that between us
For the record, that is not a tinge of envy

I apologize, I didn’t mean to generalize
They weren’t all so arrogant
Some of them did tell her to slow down
They did speak up but all she heard was a hiccup
They asked her to have a little self-respect
And in her defence she opined
That virginity is not purity, dignity or integrity
Rather lack of opportunity
In my opinion you ask?
Your honour, at this point
If it please the court I’d prefer to plead the fifth
And step down from the witness stand.

Silken Sparks

The ritualistic tango
A mating dance as old as time
Two souls as one
Body and mind meeting
In a moment never fleeting
When words become insufficient
Replaced by the touch of your fingers
The soft whispering caress
Of your lips on my skin
The tune of a Spanish guitar in the background
Or could that just be in my head?
Emotions exploding in the silence
As we express what so many have written about
Talked about, dreamed about even
But only so few
Have managed to set eyes on it
And less yet, had it in their grasp

Few could grasp for what we share is beyond the physical
My mental will tell you so
For countless times my lips found envy
As my eyes caress your dark hue ever so gently
The dance is not to be forgotten without cause to remind
Silently i declare you shall yet be mine
So if through poking the dance shall come to be
Then more should be expected from me

Then maybe I’ll let the silence linger
I won't say a word for fear that if i speak
The moment shall be lost
And this flutter in my heart
Shall become but a murmur
And the tremor in my legs
A reminder of what could have been
Let our souls sing that song
That only you and i can here
soft sensual lyrics that only the lovers' ear embraces

Then let's my love,
Live in that single moment,
Where the music shall play forever,
Fingers shall not lose touch...
Like a painting framed,
We shall dance for eternity...
Fear not of speech, my little bird,
Sing, if you must, every word.
Serenade our love with music & care,
Not of the world that stares,
I vow, my touch shall hide you from such glare.
So be still and breathe,
And live in this, our moment.

Then with your touch so splendid and candid
I’ll throw all caution to the wind
More than words could say
A velvet embrace if i may
To be so close, to feel so lost
And yet never feeling more found
A mesmerizing catharsis
And a soul clenching eclipse
Deftly devouring all inhibition
Inviting an exhilarating release
A rainbow of passion washing through my veins
The kind of passion that only you could evoke...

collaboration by Anonymouspoet1 and Checkmate

The Hardest Thing

With a smile on my face and that brave glow in my eyes
I cry and sob albeit quietly and silently
Those silent tears that only I can hear
That crushing sorrow that only the mirror can see
I don’t want you to see my despair
Nor would I want you to notice my dismay
For your sake I will shed my tears behind closed doors
For though I am filled with anxiety and scared to the bone
My pride for you reigns supreme over panic
So that when it’s finally time to watch you walk away
I will do so with my head high
And joyous peals of laughter
I will not allow tomorrow’s unknown to steal
Yesterday’s beatitudes
For I do not know whether the future holds we
Or if the crystal ball sees only me
But I know that I will not shut the door
And the closing chapter for this will not be written just yet
Just because the days will pass and life will go on by
And I will not see you as I would wish to
I will not erase the memories or ignore the next possibilities
Instead I will let the things that I am certain of decide tomorrow
I am certain that I know you,
I am certain that I cherish you
And I am certain that I love you

Obscure Shadow

The rain drowns the solitary teardrop
And with that it drowns the hate
The sorrow, the despair and regret
An erosion of all that was human in me
Leaving behind an unveiled void
A soulless smile and a heartless mirth
And I am left unremorseful and unfeeling
Simply an obscure shadow from the past

Lonely Ice

The sound of a thousand silences
Rings deafeningly in my ears
A sense of pride and self-loathing
Fills my heart
Overwhelming emotion sits in the horizon
Just close enough for me to want it
But far enough to evade my tenuous grasp

I can’t help but wallow in my loneliness
Strongly yearning the company of another
Wishing to hear a voice other than my own
Longing for the gentle feel of another’s skin

But this volatile fear will not let me
Genuine, tangible revulsion of the unknown
I’m terrified of letting anyone in
Exposing my vulnerability
Tearing open my honesty
To an unexpected show of hostility
Or worse still, pathetic, perverse pity

Why Do I Write Poetry?

I don’t write poetry
I live it, I dream it, I speak it
I think it, I see it, I feel it
I feel it in the rhythm of my pen against paper
In the strokes of my keyboard
An imaginary accord
In my choice of rhyme scheme
And if I added a hip-hop beat to it
Do you think it would be complete?

I see it in the fluid motion of the dancer’s feet
That moment when we lose ourselves in the heat
When we see with our souls
And feel with our hearts
An exotic encounter of seemingly mindless banter
When you can wander in a discordant crowd
And still see order and calm
For if a picture can say a thousand words
Allow me to say a thousand more

In my poetry, I’m never right
Then again, I’m never wrong either
It matters not if it’s north or south
And nothing about it is uncouth
Nothing defined, nothing defiled
I don’t have to think twice
Because there’s no one to revise my verse
Hold that thought
Can I say it in reverse?
It’s pure unadulterated design
A precipitation of my own creation
A proliferation of my emotions
Delight, disappointment, disgrace, despair

It’s here that I am me
I am completely free to be
I know who I am, I realize where I stand
And reconcile my naivety
In this place I can say what I feel
And feel what I say

I can build my dreams, I can tear them down
I can imagine and I can drown
Deep breaths drawn and held in
Then slowly exhaled
I have total control but still manage to lose myself
No inhibitions, just endless priceless exhibitions
It’s not about what he said, what she read
Or what they did
It’s candid, it’s lucid
It’s about me in all my honesty

Undisguised

As I stand, torn and broken
Naked and exposed
My most intimate out
For all the world to see
A darkened past brought out
And buried secrets exhumed
The sun fades into the shadows
And the rain turns to acid
My most precious burned to ash
Prized possessions turned to rust

Shall I feel fear?
Or wonder in amazement?
Vestiges of fiery rage
Set alight in the abyss
Snake up my vents
And implode in my heart
Now an empty pit of nothingness
Craving for loss and regret

A gaunt face stares back at me
Sunken eyes against a backdrop
Of sullen cheeks, tight lips
Holding back the words of my freedom
I stand handcuffed to a mirror
Forced to look back at the horror
That disgusting reflection
That hides behind lipstick and mascara
Once more rears its ugly head
When the golden threads are stripped down

Lacuna Pause

I need my space, I gotta be me
I wanna think and I wanna see
I need to be one, don’t want to be two
I’m not claustrophobic though
But don’t crowd my space
Take a step back and let me be
So I can take a deep breath
Inhale, exhale, inhale, exhale…
Till I feel a storm in my lungs
And the sun burns my face
Keep silent for a while
Make your absence tangible
Then maybe I’ll miss you
But maybe this ain’t true
I wanna figure out
Who’s standing in my mirror every morning?
Then maybe I’ll know
Who walks beside you in the evening
I need to be sure
That you’re not just
My flavour of the week
Because if I don’t love me
Then I don’t think I have enough love
Left over for you

I need my space, I gotta be me
I wanna think and I wanna see
I need to be one, don’t want to be two
I’m not claustrophobic though
But don’t crowd my space
Take a step back and let me be
So I can take a deep breath
Inhale, exhale, inhale, exhale…
Till I feel a storm in my lungs
And the sun burns my face
Keep silent for a while
Make your absence tangible
Then maybe I’ll miss you
But maybe this ain’t true
I wanna figure out
Who’s standing in my mirror every morning?
Then maybe I’ll know
Who walks beside you in the evening
I need to be sure
That you’re not just
My flavour of the week
Because if I don’t love me
Then I don’t think I have enough love
Left over for you

My Immortal

I don’t want to live each day
As though it were my last
I don’t want to think that tomorrow
These breathes may be my last
Instead I forcefully embrace the immortal
As if I were promised a lifetime
And then some
As though I have all the time in the world
To stop and smell the rose a little longer
Even pull out the thorns
And present it to a lover
I’ll pause the clock and rush no more
So I can let my laughter linger
I refuse to see myself under the coroner’s sheet
So I can smile at the stranger in the street
In the hope we’ll be friends next time we meet
See the wonders of the world
And maybe make a few more of our mould

Broken

Is it you, is it me?
Is it us, or is it we?
Is it the times I cried?
Or the times you lied?
Is it what the neighbours said?
Or the animosity bred?
Is it the time we spent shouting?
Or all the badmouthing?
A broken nose here
A strange new scent there
Is it the negative silence?
That was masked as resilience?
Shall we blame the in-laws?
Or our obviously glaring flaws?
Is it because I refused to dance?
That we shan’t get a second chance?
Or is it because with all that’s mentioned above
Much like an ill-fitting glove
We failed to protect our love?

Razor-sharp Incision

It cut deep and it cut raw
Pulled my heart right out of my chest
And squeezed with all your strength
I chocked on my tears and stammered in anguish
The sobs were unstoppable
And the more I wiped the tears
The more they kept on rolling
Till I was drenched in their salty bitterness
And there were no more tears left to dry
Till all that was left was a deafening silence
And a hollow aching deep in my chest
Where my heart once lay fortified
Now a mangled wreckage of defeat and concession
Till the peaceful nothingness of sleep
Came and dulled the pain
Albeit a temporary alleviation
But a welcome reprieve

Four Blind Mice

‘Tis sad, a man with perfect sight
Choosing to be blind to a friend’s plight
Endless times spent looking forward to nothing
That we forget to turn around
And watch the other’s back
When we choose not to see the sullenness
Behind a laughter so hollow
That Alice could fall through to wonderland
When we go deaf to the silent pleas for help
Instead setting our sights so far
That we fail to notice a door ajar
On our faces pretentious masks of concern
Completely oblivious to a soul ablaze
A hope so lost in despair
Until the last scene has played out
The curtain has fallen closed
And the cast has taken its bow
Not until it is too late do the masks fall off
Leaving in its wake guilt and shame
Horror and mortification at our own fallibility
And where there once was five, there is only four
And that permanent icy ghale

Contimuum Spat

I knew that life would move on without you
The wind still blows, but it plays to a different tune
The sun still shines, just not on me
Everyone’s happy laughter hangs in the air
But to me it’s a faint echo in the distance,
Silent whispers in the background
I look down at my watch and I don’t see the time
Tick-tock-tick-tock-tick-tock-tick...
Just the faint reminder that it doesn’t wait
That it doesn’t stop and it won’t go back to fix me
Yet somehow I still can’t move forward
I can’t take those baby steps
I can’t say those elusive words
I am stuck in a timeless phantasm
Where I can’t let you go, yet I do not hold on
So I’ll just stop trying because the harder I try
The harder it gets; and soon it might get out of hand
Spiral out of control even and consume me
I’ll simply accept that you took a part of me
And when you walked out you took it with you
So I’ll give you that and work on protecting what’s left.

Familiar Bossom

It took me a while but I finally realized that even to the closest of friends, the ones who promise to be there for you, you’re only useful when they have problems of their own. When they want someone to listen to them vent, to lend them a shoulder to soak their tears on. And as long as things are good for them, it doesn’t matter how fucked up things are for you, it’s always them you’re expected to worry about. If they’re celebrating, you should be, whether or not your life is in the dump. And when they’re down? Well, you better crawl right under that rock with them, your problems, bigger or smaller than theirs, must take a back seat.

My pessimistic half always took this as gospel. But like everyone else, I chose to sideline those as the ranting chants of a sociopathic lunatic. And like most others, I learned from experience. The ultimate cliché. We talk about it so many times and fall for it even more. But it seems like we’re all in a race to see who can learn from the most gruesome experience. And learn from experience I have.

At the end of the day, when all was said and done, when the tears stopped and I pulled myself together, I realised that the only one who was ever really there for me, the only one who cared enough to ask, to soothe, to comfort...was me. Because when I needed them most, when I needed help or just a little bit of reassurance, all I got was me. I won’t complain, I won’t cry or lay blame. Instead, I’ll breathe a sigh of relief because their absence in my darkest hour allowed me to reconcile with myself. I got to talk to me and see that I had my own back. It’s comforting to know that at my weakest point, at a time when I was expected to crumble beneath the weight of despair, my feet didn’t buckle. Sure, my confidence was shaken, my spirit dampened and my tears were on overdrive. But I pulled myself together, I sorted myself out and pulled a phoenix where I thought there was none. So I guess in a way I should tip my hat to self centeredness and egotism. But most of all, I’ll be proud, blow my own horn and say I’ll tip my hat to myself.

Black Cinderella

He called me his Black Cinderella
Not by virtue of course
But by vanity, vice and apathy
A cold calculating psychopath, he said
And his bidding I did
With a nonchalant disregard for mercy
And a total disgust for weakness
I failed to not disappoint

So now I sit in a dark and heavy silence,
With knees drawn to a heaving chest
I listen to the beat of my heart
A beat once so steady,
Now an erratic mess of uncertainty
An unsure futility and a vain discrepancy
Of the decorum it held and the hate it spewed
Mumbling in the way that only fear could
The doubtful prayer escapes my lips
Doubtful because if God listened to the heathen
Then a heathen I would cease to be

I tremble, not with fear, but something far worse
A mind at war and a heart in turmoil
A ravaging confusion of right and wrong
Trying to reconcile knowledge with faith
With a soul tainted for eternity
My bare hands drowned in blood
A mother’s son’s blood
A husband’s wife, a family man

They tell me I signed up for the war
And I say there was no war
Just personal favours
For the men in power
To keep the status quo
Survival for the fittest
A species that in the quest for evolution
Has learnt to destroy the very essence
That separated us from the beasts
Not that my ignorance then
Will atone for my fallen brethren

So when I put down my guard
Drop my defences and try to mend the fences
I take off the stained regalia
In jaded resignation and adulterated contrition
I can only surmise that I will suffer my nightmares
Pay my dues to the agitated blood in the soil
And hope that at the end of this all
This Black Cinderella
Will find her glass slipper

Withered Love

It was fun while it lasted, fast and intense
Yet slow and beautiful all at the same time
But you made me no promises and I asked for none
So when the time came, I was disappointed but not surprised
I was not surprised
Because you were gone long before you walked out
That much I had seen coming in the days before
And like a fool I chose to ignore what lay before my eyes
I chose not to fight,
Not because I did not deem you worth my strength
I chose not to because I love you
It sounds ironic, I know
But I opted to let you go as you came
Of your own free will...
So instead I will cry silently and quietly
For a love that could have been so much more
For a heart that was given ever so delicately
And broken by the one it was entrusted to
I will pick up the pieces and start anew
But like the finest Chinese porcelain,
I know the cracks will remain for all to see
So I will not pretend to hate you, nor will I even try
There will always be a place for you in my heart
But that will not stop me from moving on
Because I know in time I will find another
Who will fill the emptiness left in me
And I will smile with satisfaction once more
I will feel what I felt for you
And then some

My Image, Your Reflection

You fail to see the obvious
And choose to see what isn’t there
You don’t see me for me
Instead you see me for you
Bending to your twisted desire
Responding to your perverted whims
Intertwining my life
With the one you wish you had
You defiantly degrade my dignity
Transforming me into a socially suicidal silhouette
The target of superficial empathy
All the while gathering hollow praise
And a shallow applause towards the dais

Your fervent search for approval from the masses
Masks a futile quest for accolades from just the one
So while they light candles in the park
And firecrackers in the sky
In honour of their godlike idol
I spit on the very ground you walk on
I curse the day that you were born
And implore the gods of yore
Supporting smiles on the surface
Spiteful grins in the depths
I know that you will never try to see
And the empty space within will always be

Fear

I saw the emptiness and nothingness that was my desire_
The sheer futility of my compromise haunted me until there was nothing but darkness_
A shadow of the light that once shone on our love_
And gave me the satisfaction of our company_
So I closed my eyes and accepted the glorified indignity of dwelling on savoured pasts_
All the while spiralling towards an unwelcome future_

Familiar Strangers

I thought he was mine, and I his
He thought I was his, and he mine
I thought we could overcome
And live to tell the tale
Tell the tale of an enduring love
The tale of a patient love
I thought I could count the days
Count the hours down to the last minute
Instead, I watched the lamp fizzle
Losing its light with each passing day
Drifting us apart with each gust of wind
I watched the darkness seeping in
And felt the cold that came along with it
And with that we grew into strangers
Slowly knowing less and less of each other
Until I knew that he was not mine, and I was not his
Until he knew that I was not his, and he was not mine

Resurrection

Was it all just a mirage...a figment of my imagination?
The raging desperation of wanting to belong...to someone...to something
I tried so hard not to be left out...but left out of what?
I haven’t the slightest idea, but I was so certain that
I would not allow myself to be left behind
For so long I was leader of a pack
A pack whose followers I did not even know
Because when I look back now, I am not even sure that there was a pack
So I made rushed decisions and myriad mistakes
All in a quest to fit in with people who paid me not the slightest attention
I could have stopped me, would have stopped me
But the harder they tried, the harder I fell and the deeper I sank
Like a drug addict at her most high
I paid closer attention to the unicorns swimming in my head
And sought “wise counsel” from garden gnomes
Wanting, needing, craving to go sober, but fearing cold turkey
And avoiding the responsibility of clear judgement
So instead I welcomed the confusion
Embraced the destructive soul
Engaged the tattered mind
I pushed my shallow deeds to the limit
Until I fell over the cliff, breaking all resolve
And with that the decision was no longer mine to make
That’s when they intervened to pull me out of the despair
That’s when they brought me back from the dead.