Familiar Bossom

It took me a while but I finally realized that even to the closest of friends, the ones who promise to be there for you, you’re only useful when they have problems of their own. When they want someone to listen to them vent, to lend them a shoulder to soak their tears on. And as long as things are good for them, it doesn’t matter how fucked up things are for you, it’s always them you’re expected to worry about. If they’re celebrating, you should be, whether or not your life is in the dump. And when they’re down? Well, you better crawl right under that rock with them, your problems, bigger or smaller than theirs, must take a back seat.

My pessimistic half always took this as gospel. But like everyone else, I chose to sideline those as the ranting chants of a sociopathic lunatic. And like most others, I learned from experience. The ultimate cliché. We talk about it so many times and fall for it even more. But it seems like we’re all in a race to see who can learn from the most gruesome experience. And learn from experience I have.

At the end of the day, when all was said and done, when the tears stopped and I pulled myself together, I realised that the only one who was ever really there for me, the only one who cared enough to ask, to soothe, to comfort...was me. Because when I needed them most, when I needed help or just a little bit of reassurance, all I got was me. I won’t complain, I won’t cry or lay blame. Instead, I’ll breathe a sigh of relief because their absence in my darkest hour allowed me to reconcile with myself. I got to talk to me and see that I had my own back. It’s comforting to know that at my weakest point, at a time when I was expected to crumble beneath the weight of despair, my feet didn’t buckle. Sure, my confidence was shaken, my spirit dampened and my tears were on overdrive. But I pulled myself together, I sorted myself out and pulled a phoenix where I thought there was none. So I guess in a way I should tip my hat to self centeredness and egotism. But most of all, I’ll be proud, blow my own horn and say I’ll tip my hat to myself.