Resurrection

Was it all just a mirage...a figment of my imagination?
The raging desperation of wanting to belong...to someone...to something
I tried so hard not to be left out...but left out of what?
I haven’t the slightest idea, but I was so certain that
I would not allow myself to be left behind
For so long I was leader of a pack
A pack whose followers I did not even know
Because when I look back now, I am not even sure that there was a pack
So I made rushed decisions and myriad mistakes
All in a quest to fit in with people who paid me not the slightest attention
I could have stopped me, would have stopped me
But the harder they tried, the harder I fell and the deeper I sank
Like a drug addict at her most high
I paid closer attention to the unicorns swimming in my head
And sought “wise counsel” from garden gnomes
Wanting, needing, craving to go sober, but fearing cold turkey
And avoiding the responsibility of clear judgement
So instead I welcomed the confusion
Embraced the destructive soul
Engaged the tattered mind
I pushed my shallow deeds to the limit
Until I fell over the cliff, breaking all resolve
And with that the decision was no longer mine to make
That’s when they intervened to pull me out of the despair
That’s when they brought me back from the dead.