Resurrection

Was it all just a mirage...a figment of my imagination?
The raging desperation of wanting to belong...to someone...to something
I tried so hard not to be left out...but left out of what?
I haven’t the slightest idea, but I was so certain that
I would not allow myself to be left behind
For so long I was leader of a pack
A pack whose followers I did not even know
Because when I look back now, I am not even sure that there was a pack
So I made rushed decisions and myriad mistakes
All in a quest to fit in with people who paid me not the slightest attention
I could have stopped me, would have stopped me
But the harder they tried, the harder I fell and the deeper I sank
Like a drug addict at her most high
I paid closer attention to the unicorns swimming in my head
And sought “wise counsel” from garden gnomes
Wanting, needing, craving to go sober, but fearing cold turkey
And avoiding the responsibility of clear judgement
So instead I welcomed the confusion
Embraced the destructive soul
Engaged the tattered mind
I pushed my shallow deeds to the limit
Until I fell over the cliff, breaking all resolve
And with that the decision was no longer mine to make
That’s when they intervened to pull me out of the despair
That’s when they brought me back from the dead.

Hope

I opened my eyes and saw something today
Something I hadn’t noticed before, something new
Well, maybe not new, but to me it certainly was
It made the air smell better, feel fresher
Was it just me or did the sun shine brighter as well?
My attitude most certainly did
I opened my eyes and saw something today
Today, I opened my eyes and saw hope!

He Answered My Prayers

That song that only you can play
That song that only I can hear
It was neither too loud nor too soft
A slow, gentle caress to my ears
Much like an angelic harp in the distance
An appropriate soundtrack to my uneventful life
I must confess though that I looked like an ass
Swaying to a silence that only we could decipher
Humming to a nonexistent acoustic strum
But their strange stares fazed me not
Because for once it was not about them
It was about you and me; about the song
It was about honesty, sincerity and purity
You were able to voice yourself without uttering a word
And with instinct rather than reason
I heard you loud and clear, needing no interpretation
But needing the serenity and comfort
That only our song can provide
A song that doesn’t play on the radio
Or on a broken gramophone that skips a beat
Instead it resonates in my heart
Where I control the frequency
And savour the serendipity
With a smile on my face to reflect
The grace in my soul

Stay

Only the mother
Knows the pain of the child
But does she really know mine
Every time she promises to stay?
Every time she accepts the wayward excuses?
Every time she swallows the constant abuses?
Does she understand how it hurts me
To see her all covered in bruises?


Once upon a time I did love her
And thought she was special
But that was so long ago
That was before my heart of stone
Before her selfishness manifested in me
The kind of hatred I harbour now
Before she pledged to stay for me
Without realizing how long she’d been gone.


Why does she say
That for my sake she will endure
When her soul is elsewhere
And her heart is frozen
Between us is the loudest of silences
And often we share awkward glances
That I never cease to wonder
Is she staying for me
Or am I staying for her...?

Soledad

I was not alone then
I am not alone now
I am never alone
Because when there’s no one around
My thoughts speak to me
Sometimes it’s just a soft whisper
Almost like a gently blowing breeze
Other times it’s a loud bang
A rough complaint
But at least they talk to me
Confusing me…?
Sometimes
Encouraging me…?
Maybe
Berating me…?
Of course!
They make me feel guilty at times,
Scared, belittled, like a novice
But I don’t mind
Because at least that means I have a conscience
And if my conscience disturbs me
Then it means I feel...