Black Cinderella

He called me his Black Cinderella
Not by virtue of course
But by vanity, vice and apathy
A cold calculating psychopath, he said
And his bidding I did
With a nonchalant disregard for mercy
And a total disgust for weakness
I failed to not disappoint

So now I sit in a dark and heavy silence,
With knees drawn to a heaving chest
I listen to the beat of my heart
A beat once so steady,
Now an erratic mess of uncertainty
An unsure futility and a vain discrepancy
Of the decorum it held and the hate it spewed
Mumbling in the way that only fear could
The doubtful prayer escapes my lips
Doubtful because if God listened to the heathen
Then a heathen I would cease to be

I tremble, not with fear, but something far worse
A mind at war and a heart in turmoil
A ravaging confusion of right and wrong
Trying to reconcile knowledge with faith
With a soul tainted for eternity
My bare hands drowned in blood
A mother’s son’s blood
A husband’s wife, a family man

They tell me I signed up for the war
And I say there was no war
Just personal favours
For the men in power
To keep the status quo
Survival for the fittest
A species that in the quest for evolution
Has learnt to destroy the very essence
That separated us from the beasts
Not that my ignorance then
Will atone for my fallen brethren

So when I put down my guard
Drop my defences and try to mend the fences
I take off the stained regalia
In jaded resignation and adulterated contrition
I can only surmise that I will suffer my nightmares
Pay my dues to the agitated blood in the soil
And hope that at the end of this all
This Black Cinderella
Will find her glass slipper

Withered Love

It was fun while it lasted, fast and intense
Yet slow and beautiful all at the same time
But you made me no promises and I asked for none
So when the time came, I was disappointed but not surprised
I was not surprised
Because you were gone long before you walked out
That much I had seen coming in the days before
And like a fool I chose to ignore what lay before my eyes
I chose not to fight,
Not because I did not deem you worth my strength
I chose not to because I love you
It sounds ironic, I know
But I opted to let you go as you came
Of your own free will...
So instead I will cry silently and quietly
For a love that could have been so much more
For a heart that was given ever so delicately
And broken by the one it was entrusted to
I will pick up the pieces and start anew
But like the finest Chinese porcelain,
I know the cracks will remain for all to see
So I will not pretend to hate you, nor will I even try
There will always be a place for you in my heart
But that will not stop me from moving on
Because I know in time I will find another
Who will fill the emptiness left in me
And I will smile with satisfaction once more
I will feel what I felt for you
And then some

My Image, Your Reflection

You fail to see the obvious
And choose to see what isn’t there
You don’t see me for me
Instead you see me for you
Bending to your twisted desire
Responding to your perverted whims
Intertwining my life
With the one you wish you had
You defiantly degrade my dignity
Transforming me into a socially suicidal silhouette
The target of superficial empathy
All the while gathering hollow praise
And a shallow applause towards the dais

Your fervent search for approval from the masses
Masks a futile quest for accolades from just the one
So while they light candles in the park
And firecrackers in the sky
In honour of their godlike idol
I spit on the very ground you walk on
I curse the day that you were born
And implore the gods of yore
Supporting smiles on the surface
Spiteful grins in the depths
I know that you will never try to see
And the empty space within will always be

Fear

I saw the emptiness and nothingness that was my desire_
The sheer futility of my compromise haunted me until there was nothing but darkness_
A shadow of the light that once shone on our love_
And gave me the satisfaction of our company_
So I closed my eyes and accepted the glorified indignity of dwelling on savoured pasts_
All the while spiralling towards an unwelcome future_

Familiar Strangers

I thought he was mine, and I his
He thought I was his, and he mine
I thought we could overcome
And live to tell the tale
Tell the tale of an enduring love
The tale of a patient love
I thought I could count the days
Count the hours down to the last minute
Instead, I watched the lamp fizzle
Losing its light with each passing day
Drifting us apart with each gust of wind
I watched the darkness seeping in
And felt the cold that came along with it
And with that we grew into strangers
Slowly knowing less and less of each other
Until I knew that he was not mine, and I was not his
Until he knew that I was not his, and he was not mine